Boosting my Inner Wellness

This is my letter to All You magazine for there Healthy Living section. I thought I'd enter my story to see what happens. I figure what have I got to lose!!! It's something I would have never had the guts to do, but lately I feel that life is too short and I think that my story could really help others. And bottom line is that I've always felt the quickest way to forget your problems is to help someone else with their own. And my own issues have been controlling my life way too long. It's time to step out of my box and offer some kind words and thoughts to others, and in the process it will only help me feel better. So I figure this was a good place to start:



Dear All You,

I was just reading my August issue and was reading the health section, which has always been the section I would skim through or just avoid all together. I saw at the bottom of the page "tell us how you lost weight and successfully kept it off." I thought well, I lost 105 lbs, I should write in. Then I thought to myself well, I may not count because I lost my weight due to an illness. But I think I do count because I feel that my determination to regain my health, mind and body should be considered.

Last Christmas I recieved my second spinal fusion surgery due to a very damaged spine rooted from a terrible case of scoliosis as a child. Due to that surgery I contracted a rare and debilitating neurological disorder called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. Where my body doesn't correctly heal from injuries and recognizes pain throughout my body that isn't there. It is said to be the most painful condition that exists, surpassing natural child birth on most pain scales. For months I laid in bed and had to isolate myself away from my family. My children laughing and playing, or let's facing crying and screaming caused jolts of pain throughout my entire body and would ignite my "fight or flight" response in my sympathetic nerve system.

Due to the high pain levels and the amount of meds that I was on, I was constantly in a state of nausea and usually if I ate I would directly throw up. Because of that my weight plummeted. I had been about 270 or so pounds. Well now 7 months later I am somewhere between 160-170. I try not to weigh myself too much. I never have but before it was because I was too scared to see the number, and now I don't think I am too comfortable in this body therefore I don't want to be obsessed with numbers.

So yes, I did lose the weight in a very bad manner, but here is where I believe I deserve a little credit; about a month ago I was lying in bed in a wrath of pain, barely coherent and I glanced over to my dresser and saw nothing but a sea of pill bottles. And at that moment I knew I was done. For me, my girls, my husband, my family, all I knew was I was done. I sat up and prayed for awhile for the strength and grace to do what I was about to do. I stopped taking them and immediately grabbed my walker and started walking laps around my house. I did that for a few days until my legs got some stability and I did laps without the walker. Apathy of the muscles and bones is a big side affect of CRPS, so I knew if I wanted to get through this I needed to move. I figured it hurts no matter what I do, so do I waste away in pain or do I live in pain. I choose life. I have 2 small children. Lucy is 11 months and I have missed out on nearly half of her life. My daughter Lydia is 2 and was just diagnosed with a strong case of autism about 4 months ago. My girls needed me and I let CRPS take me away. Not anymore.

I am moving everyday, I get out of bed in the morning and do not return until night. If I need to rest I will in the living room around my girls. I do have wonderful volunteers who have been helping with the kids since I got sick. And with Lydia's autism she will soon have a personal care attendent. The thing that I have to work on the most is eating without gaining all of my weight back. So I do eat, but for the first time in my life I am trying to eat a balanced diet. I switched to whole grain bread, drink vitamin water 0 instead of diet pepsi, and probably the biggest shock to everyone who knows me is that I am eating fruits...and VEGGIES! I even ate raw spinach in a salad for the first time and really enjoyed it. I thought my sister was going to pass out at the news of that.

I had great control finally after months, I was doing so well. Then that day happened, right after 4th of July, my biological father was in town, I attended a family picnic after months of being home bound, Lydia was improving, I was improving, Lucy was saying first words, and then...the unthinkable happened. My husband of 8 years announced over the phone to me that he was leaving. He was exhausted, stressed, and needed out. He said I could have the house and the kids as long as I didn't contest the divorce. And he came the next day, had all of his things in garbage bags and left me. My world was shattered. I hadn't ever managed a bank account, or really paid a bill. My best friend and first love was no longer my friend and lover.

My illness was exceedingly exacerbated by the stress of the situation. I stopped moving, stopped eating, except for the occasional bowl of "comfort me" ice cream. I cried myself to sleep everynight while holding our wedding picture. During the day I was like the crazy lady with the fake smile so my girls would think daddy's just permanantly at work, but the minute they napped or went down for the night, I was a mess. I gave it a couple of weeks.

Then much like before, I dug deep down for the strength and the grace, I started moving again, started eating again. And now I am back to fighting shape. If anything the past 8 months have taught me such a huge lesson in the capability of the human will. I had no clue I was so strong, I've always knew I wanted to be a good role model for my girls, but I thought it would be because of my joy, morals, respect. Once I found out I was going to have a baby girl, I had to shed that "bad body" image. I told myself I was beautiful everyday. My body shape is genetic, so in case my girls were mirror images of me I wanted it to be a positive reflection. Now in so many ways it will be. I am going to be the best role model I can be, and now I've learned I am my own role model. I've really impressed myself in this last year. I had no idea I had it in me. I've always been the "osterich" in life, just tuck my head in the sand when things get too serious or complicated. But not anymore. I am finally able to handle things as they come and with the maturity, positivity and quickness they need. Now I am not only someone my girls can be proud of, but for the first time, I think I am someone I can be proud of.

Thankyou so much for your time and consideration of my story.

Sincerely, Chrissie Patel
Centerville, MN