Hello Again World

Well today has been a very inspiring day for me. I spent it with my family at the park and also with a very dear friend from my childhood. Which taught me that you never know what God has planned for you. It's definitely true that when he closes a door, he opens a window. My friend came over to originally take pictures of the girls for their birthdays, but it turned into a very active day for all of us at the park. We donned the girls in pink ballerina suits and just let them loose. Chintan and I played with them as we would any other day. We hugged and kissed them a million times because let's face it their faces are smothered daily and have been since the day they were born! It was so much fun to feel "normal" again. It was so much fun, and good..a good pain day.

Writing this brings me to tears because I am so happy. Being with my family today as we played as one and knowing it's captured on film feels so good. I know now that in my most painful days I will have pictures to look at that will let me know that their are more of those to come. I will see the joy on the girls faces, and Chintan's, and mine. That kind of happiness that only happens for us every so often. The kind where any smile is infectious. It was a perfect day.

Because I know days like these are possible and probably because I am spontaneous to a fault, I am yet again going for the gauntlet. I am again trying to get off my prescription meds. On Thursday I went and saw my family dr. and told him that I was having a lot of difficulty at the pain center. I told him I wanted out and I wanted off the med that they had me on. Like I've been saying for months it doesn't work and I don't see the point in taking these meds if my pain is not being reduced. So he switched me to a pain med that is in a patch form not a pill. I thought this could be the ticket, I knew the effect should of been immediate so I couldn't wait to put it on and sit there as my pain dissipated. Well after I put it on, I waited to feel it go down, I waited and waited and waited. Finally it was 24 hours later, I had a bad night of sleep and I thought that's it, again I say...I am done. And this time I am NOT telling any dr. of mine. I refust to be talked back to going on those.

So I am back dancing with the withdrawals, but I am taking a new approach to weaning off. I hope it works, so far it's not too bad. I feel it, but it's not overwhelming. "Knock on Wood", yes please do it...now if you will.

I hope this time I can conquer it. I just keep going back to hearing that narcotic pain meds effect nerve pain. And I do know that my muscular pain is really bad as well. But ibuprofen and a heating pad can at least take the edge off muscular pain. I am used to that, I can do muscle pain standing on my head, it's the nerve pain that's relentless.

I just am ready to do whatever it takes to get my life back. I am waking up and praying for God to fill my "grace tank" to get me through the day. And I believe he will.

This wonderful day has been a god-sent just what I needed to remind me that there is a life out there still worth living in. The girls and I take our walks everyday, but I think it's time to spend some more time at the park. Getting our jolly's out as I like to say.

Hope all is well !!
Chrissie