Heading in the right direction

Decisions, decisions, what's a girl to do? Within these last couple weeks as my quest for independence is becoming more like a reality I've been hit with more tough decisions that only I can make for myself. I need to decided if I should cut my losses and put my house on the market. I am thinking I may not even have a choice at this point seeing that my sub flooring is falling out from underneath me. A few weeks ago I got out of the shower in the master bathroom and took a step and the floor crushed underneath my feet. Now I know I am a big girl but if it didn't do this 110 lbs ago, why now? So then my next thought was it must be water damage since it happened after showering. I was just sick with worry and since I have no idea what I am looking at or that I don't even know if I could maneuver getting downstairs I decided to wait and have a professional look at the flooring. Well then the next day it happened again, this time in the living room. Again I stepped and then squished. I seriously thought about calling weight watchers that moment. I instantly started crying and thought, "seriously"? This is happening to me? I made some calls and finally a week later a very nice man from a charity program agreed to come out and look at what I was dealing with.
What he found was that, thank God, it wasn't water damage but that my sub floor is just made of crap and was giving out. So he said that my master bath and living room floors needed to be replaced. Yuck. And he said it would be approximately $1500 in materials alone. Double Yuck.
Naturally, I don't have it. Of course why would it be that easy? So the only way I see this working out is that I am going to have to sell and try to find something out there in my price range that is structurally sound.
Now we bought this house over a year and 1/2 ago for $115,000, but we've put near $25,000 of work into it. I know in this market I will not come out even, not even close. But I am having a realtor come out tomorrow to give me an idea of what we can list it for.
Truthfully, I don't want to sell. I love my house. It's so cute, it decorated, painted and set up perfectly for my family of 3. I love my neighborhood, my yard, my town...all of it. But to me there is no other answer.
So I am hoping buyers see that it has a new roof, new siding, new floors in the laundry, kitchen and dining room, new appliances, new furnace, new water heater, new toilet in master, new bathroom mirrors, new paint everywhere, new ceilings, new door knobs, new hardware in kitchen, new garage door and two new windows. And I am really hoping they look past the $1,500 in flooring that needs to be repaired. I don't know if I can just put an allowance in the purchase price or not. I have no idea.

I also have no idea where to go. The one blessing of being a disabled mom is that I can go anywhere. I am not tied to any specific region. I went last weekend and looked at a very cute house just south of Rochester. I loved the house, not so much the town. I do have a good friend that lives down there so I would have someone to help every now and then and also then have some company. *See my happy dance, lol!* Do I sell it and not even know where I am going? Or can I stay and just not use the master bath and deal with a bad spot in the living room? Is that safe for the girls and I? So many questions, so little answers. I don't even know if I have the knowledge of these things to make a correct decision. I am just not finding that I can get answers to these questions without someone trying to sway my decision. And this needs to be something I decide for myself.

This is a decision I need to make on my own with the best interests of my children in mind. I know all of us love our home, but we could love the next place as well. The problem is everything we do is just us alone. I'd have to hire movers and probably packers too because of my immobility and I'd need to have a garage sale to sell my mountain of baby stuff and yes I am even willing to part with all of my Marilyn memorabilia as well. I still need to find a home for my cats or save even more money I do not have to bring them to a no-kill shelter.

The other factor is that if I do sell for the amount I am hoping for I may have enough money to pay off back taxes, some other debts, file for my bankruptcy (mounting medical bills!), and then have enough to put down on a home. Here is another major part of it, if I do move more than likely I would have to move into a manufactured home, because I could buy it outright or they would finance me because they'll pretty much finance anyone. Bonus, I could buy new and not have to worry about major house repairs for a long time; bummer, I'd have to live in a manufactured home community and from what I know of them that they are crime and drug-user filled and probably not a great place to raise kids. I know that it is a complete judgement on my part and probably a huge stereo-type, but the more people I talk to about it the more confirmation on those judgements are coming to light. So I was thinking maybe there is a community more out of the metro that is more family-friendly? Another question without an easy answer?

So this blog is basically throwing out all of my questions and thoughts plaguing my mind right now. Lydia is using the entire house and it's contents as a trampoline right now and everytime she is flying-high in the living room my heart jumps for fear of finding her in the basement, lol! Funny, but true, I know. I need to make a decision quick and in the mean time I have been cleaning and decluttering like a crazy lady getting it ready to sell, because my instincts tell me that that is my only option right now. Also it's helping me keep my mind off that fact that divorce papers are in the mail right now waiting to be signed therefore my marriage is waiting to end.
Too many changes, too many thoughts, not enough answers.
Good thing I've begun therapy....

Hugs and kisses to you all!!

P.s. I am finally one only 2 meds, and guess what they are working and I am feeling soooo much better. Bad pain days are few and good ones are many!!! So lurking among the hard decisions are good blessings...yeah God!!!