The Letter to Normals

This is a letter I found on the internet (auther unknown), but I edited it from my perspective:

Hello family, friends, and anyone wishing to know me,

Allow me to begin by thanking you for taking the time of your day to spend time reading my blogs and getting to know the "new" me better. A person's time is their most valuable asset and yours is appreciated. I want to talk to you about RSD and other chronic pain disorders. Many have never heard of these conditions and for those that have, many are misinformed. And because of this, judgements are made that may not be correct. So I ask you to keep an open mind as I try to explain who I am now and how RSD has assaulted not only my life but those whom I love as well.

You see, I suffer from a disease that you cannot see; a disease that there is no cure for and that keeps the medical community baffled at how to treat and battle this demon, who's attacks are relentless. My pain works silently, stealing my joy and replacing it with tears. On the outside we look alike you and I; you won't see my scars as you would a person who, say, had suffered a car accident. You won't see my pain in the way you would a person undergoing chemo for cancer; however, my pain is just as real and just as debilitating. And in many ways my pain could be more destructive because people can't see it and do not understand...

Please don't get angry at my seemingly lack of interest in doing things; I punish myself enough, I assure you. My tears are shed many times when no one is around and usually only when I am at my limit. My embarrassment is covered by a joke or laughter, but inside I want to cry....

Most of my "friends" are gone; members of my family are starting to tire and I fear they too will abandon me. My illness has been questioned. I have been called unreliable because I am forced to cancel plans I made at the last minute because of the burning pain in my arms and legs, so intense that I can't put my clothes on and I am left in tears as I miss out on yet another activity I used to love and once participated in with enthusiasm.

When I talk to people, many times I lose my train of thought in mid sentence or forget the simplest word needed to explain or describe something. I may not remember what i promised to do for you, even though you told me just seconds ago. I do not have selective memory. On some days, I just don't have any short-term memory at all. As I try to maintain my dignity the demon assaults me at every turn, please try to understand....

Sleep, when I do get some, is restless and I wake often because of the pain the sheets cause to my skin or because I twitch uncontrollably.

And just because I can do a thing one day, that doesn't mean I will be able to do the same thing the next day or next week. I may be able to take my kids to the park on a sunny day; the next hour I may not be able to walk to the fridge to get a diet pepsi because my muscles have begun to cramp and lock up or spasm uncontrollably. And there are those who say "but you did that yesterday!" "What is your problem today?" The hurt I experience at those words scars me so deeply because I fear I have let my family down again; and still they don't understand.....

On a brighter note I want yo to know that I still have my sense of humor. If you take the time to spend with me you will see that. I love to tell that joke to make another's face light up and smile at my wit. I love my babies and shine when they give me hugs or greet me with their infectious smiles. I am fun to be with if you will spend the time with me on my own playing field; is this too much to ask? I love you guys and want nothing more than to be part of your life. And I have found that I can be a strong friend in many ways. I am your friend, your cheerleader and many times I will be the one to make sure you have the appropriate gifts on farmville or make sure to reach out when you are having a rough day. Many times I will be your biggest fan and the world will know how proud I am at your accomplishments and how honored I am to have you in my life.

So you see, you and I are not that much different. I too have hopes, dreams, goals...and also this demon...Do you have an unseen demon that assaults you that no one else can see? Have you had to fight a fight that crushes you and brings you to your knees? I will be by your side, I promise you that. I will not let you suffer alone. I will be there in ways that I can and probably ways I shouldn't. I will give all I can as I can. I promise you that. But I do have to do this thing my way. Please understand that I am in such a fight myself and I know that their is little hope of a cure or effective treatments, at least right now. But I will hold on tight to that little bit of hope, I will hold on like hell. Please understand...that I am just like you...Please understand.....